by Nick Nitkowski

Well, it’s that time of year again! Now that all the turkey has been eaten, all the bellies are filled, the leftovers are put away, and the awkward tension between certain family members of conflicting beliefs has subsided, it’s now officially time for the inevitable surplus of Christmas-themed movies. We already got “Red One” earlier in November, but now in the comfort of your own home, you can find “Dear Santa”! ‘Tis truly the season now!

I’m not gonna lie, the only reason why this movie ended up on my radar was because the ultra-religious communities were in an uproar about this movie’s plot, and of course, they had to loudly voice their concerns and disdain for such a premise. What is that premise you ask? Well, “Dear Santa” is about a little boy named Liam Turner, played by Robert Timothy Smith, who still believes in Santa Claus, and with the holidays around the corner, he writes a letter to Santa asking for what he wants for Christmas. Typical Christmas movie plot. The only problem is that he can’t spell and instead of writing “Santa” to address his letter, he accidentally writes “Satan”. Lo and behold, Satan, played by Jack Black, receives his letter and shows up for Liam to grant him any three wishes he wants in exchange for his soul. 

Now, the concept alone I thought was pretty funny because a lot of people, myself included, always recognized how “Santa” and “Satan” were very close in spelling. But that’s ultimately where the humor of this movie ends because the jokes in this movie didn’t really land with me outside of a brief chuckle from a small joke or two or from a cringeworthy line delivery or awkward situation where you can’t help but chuckle a little bit as it presents itself. 

There are some appearances from some familiar faces. You could call them cameos, I suppose, but one of them seems to be a major plot point of the film. It’s Post Malone. I do not know much about Post Malone, in fact, I know very little about him. I just know that he’s a music artist and based on what this movie indicated, a big hit with the kids. But this movie makes him behave and act very abnormally, which is part of the plot and was done intentionally, but it was a little cringy. Something you’d probably expect in a kid’s wish-related movie, but this is PG-13. 

PG-13 usually means that the movie is geared towards a slightly older demographic and yet, the humor of this movie had about as much maturity as a Friedberg and Seltzer movie. They literally dedicated a large portion of a scene where Satan makes a man shit himself. So, it was endless farts and awkward movements. Yeah, Grade-Ar right there. I believe that the only reason why this movie is rated PG-13 is just because it focuses on the devil. And of course, we can’t have Satan in a PG movie because the religious zealots will definitely be up in arms then.

But I think the biggest failure of this movie is the fact that it is still a Christmas movie, so it tries to have a heartfelt message in it. But with everything that happens prior in the film, it just doesn’t work. Not only did it feel out of place, but it also felt undeserved. Not to mention the fact that other things happen after it tries to present some heart which just made the movie drag out longer than it needed to be. Clocking in just under the 2-hour mark and it really did not need to be that long. It even tries to have a happy ending in true Christmas fashion, but this movie simply cannot have its cake and eat it too.

Overall, “Dear Santa” is a completely forgettable movie. I find myself fortunate to have already begun forgetting certain things about this movie. If this movie wasn’t on your radar, I promise that you’re not missing anything. If anything, you’ll be saving almost two hours of your day by not watching it. And if this somehow was on your list of movies to watch for the Christmas holiday, you’d be better off watching or rewatching anything else instead of this. I wasn’t a big fan of “Red One”, but I’d sooner watch that again before ever feeling the need to rewatch “Dear Santa”. What else could I have expected from director Bobby Farrelly, who has more duds than hits under his belt? Perhaps next time, he should write a letter to Satan asking for the ability to make a better comedy.

Dear Santa is now streaming on Paramount +

1 star