By Nick Nitkowski 

Well, my fellow readers, it is the start of a new year! Unfortunately, the start of each year is January. Why is this a bad thing? Because January movie releases are made up of only one of two things; I wider release for the movies contending for awards that were released limitedly on Christmas just to qualify, or the dumpster-fires that get dumped into theaters during the month of January. Of course, there have been one or two surprises every once in a while, but those are few and far between. I always say that the first new release of the new year is an indicator of the quality of the rest of the year. For example, the remake of “The Grudge” was released at the start of 2020. It was so bad that I knew that 2020 was going to be a rough year. We all know now how right I was. Now, for the year 2026, we are getting “Primate”! Now that I’ve seen it, and if my theory continues to be correct, we may be in for a rough year.

“Primate” is a horror movie about a family that lives in a remote house on a hill in Hawaii where they have adopted pet chimpanzee named Ben, who is an essential part of the family. But after Ben is exposed to Rabies, he becomes very aggressive and attacks his family and their visiting friends in the most brutal and savage ways. Now, it’s up to these friends to survive the night with Ben and try to get help before he gets them.

This movie somehow sold me with the trailer. I’m not sure what it was, but I was intrigued by the concept. But now that I’ve seen it from beginning to end, I see that the execution was greatly lacking. The potential was there, but it stumbled the whole way through. From the execution of the story to the literal execution of the characters, it unfortunately did not swing as well as it could have.

Starting with the characters, there was really nothing special about them. Typical teens want to smoke and bone while Daddy is out of town, except he seems cool with it. But the group consists of the two best friends, one of which is the lead, the best friend’s other friend who’s not a friend to the lead best friend, the sister of the lead, and the hunky boy who the lead is interested in but he’s interested in the best friend’s other friend who’s not a friend to the lead best friend. And of course, to keep things interesting, they throw in a bunch of cannon fodder to up the kill count. It’s formulaic. The only character that I had any remote interest in was the father, who is played by Troy Kotsur from one of my favorite movies “CODA”.

The kills in the movie were interesting… for anyone experiencing a horror film for the first time. Perhaps I’m too desensitized when it comes to horror violence in movies, but the way that these kills were done was almost laughable. Especially one involving a fall. It just kind of feels like a been-there-done-that kind of deal. There was one specific kill that I would have loved to see in this type of movie, but sadly, they did not go for the one that I thought up. The potential was certainly there, and the movie definitely tried, but I don’t think that it fully lived up to its maximum potential.

The movie does use practical effects, and most people know that I applaud movies that utilize practical effects instead of just CGI to make something work. However, Ben, the chimpanzee, is actually a performer in a suit for most of the movie, which is fine. It makes the movements more fluent than what puppeteer work can do. But on the flipside of that, the movie does add noticeable CGI on the face in an attempt to give the chimp more facial expressions that the mask alone could not do. That blend of practical and visual effects, in my personal opinion, did not blend well together. I can only assume that they worked with what they had.

Overall, “Primate” just wasn’t for me. I clearly went into the movie with anticipation, hoping that it would be good, and I ended up walking out of the theater immediately when the credits rolled disappointed. The trailer sold me, but the product did not meet my personal expectations. At the time of writing this review, it is currently sitting on an 89% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes which genuinely surprised me, but I don’t let that rating sway me from how I feel towards a movie. But I bring this up because I want to let people know that perhaps there is something in this film that people will enjoy. So, if you’re interested in checking out “Primate” to see if it’s your cup of tea, by all means, see it for yourself and form your own opinion towards it. You just might find yourself having a wild time at the theater. But as it stands for me, this movie was a chimp turd flung at the wall with an interesting splatter that you can’t help but look at. A typical January release that I give credit for the attempt if nothing else.

2 stars