By Jacob Cameron

Scared to Death is a horror film in name only. In practice, it is an incredibly boring little film that ultimately wastes its premise and the talents of two great horror actors.

Scared to death was directed by Paul Boyd and starred Lynn Shaye and Bill Moseley. It tells the story of a group of filmmakers making a horror film in a haunted location. Jasper, played by Olivier Paris, is the director’s assistant who arranges for the crew to film at an abandoned orphanage where five children died by being literally scared to death. Jasper wants the crew to witness an actual seance in order to get real-world experience for the film. Much to the chagrin of director Max, played by Lynn Shaye, the crew goes through the seance. Guided by the medium Felix, played by Bill Moseley.

The amount of mediocre elements to dissect in this film is staggering. The most disappointing, however, lies with the performances of Lynn Shaye and Bill Moseley. Shaye, known for her long-running role in the Insidious films, plays the incredibly over-the-top and annoying director Max. Max, as a character, is overbearing and genuinely frustrating as she treats everyone with utter contempt. It goes beyond the context of the character being portrayed as over-the-top and annoying and ventures into cartoonish territory, as the movie tells instead of showing that she is a caustic presence.. There is a scene where Max gets out of a car to go to the orphanage for the shoot, and she is seen smoking marijuana. It’s worth noting that she also snorts cocaine in another scene.

Bill Moseley is another great character actor. Appearing in many Rob Zombie films and other horror projects in the 80s and 90s. Moseley is painfully generic and is given little to do as this medium. It is an incredibly forgettable performance, as is the rest of the cast. The other actors almost fade into the background, not really doing anything to stand out.

The biggest crime for the film as a whole is just how cheap everything looks and feels. Every scene in the film is an exposition dump with every actor acting like they’re reading the script at the table read. Any intrigue that could have potentially been generated by the fact that an orphanage is haunted is explained away just as quickly. There is no question that is left unanswered, which makes for a cheap film. Even the haunted orphanage feels cheap. The actual building looks like it would fit perfectly in a normal neighborhood as a normal house. There is nothing old or dark about this supposed old and dark house.

Ultimately, this was one of the more boring and generic haunted house movies ever made. Bad acting, subpar scares, and generic look and feel combined for a painful watch. Think of any haunted house movie ever made, good or bad, and it’s still more remarkable than anything in this film. 

1/2 star