By Jacob Cameron

Night Patrol, on paper, has a great premise. It comes to us from Shudder, a network that has made good stuff before. The premise: A cop joins an elite division of the LAPD and realizes there are dark forces at play. The division harbors and uses that secret to terrorize neighborhoods. The cop must use powers within himself to stop the violence. But it amounts to nothing but frustration and mediocrity.

Night Patrol was directed by Ryan Prows, who had previously directed the “Terror” segment of VHS 94. It starred Justin Long, Jermaine Fowler, Flying Lotus, and Phil Brooks (CM Punk for the wrestling fans). It tells the story of Ethan Hawkins, played by Justin Long, who is invited to join the division of the LAPD known as “Night Patrol.”” A division that is notorious for violence. Ethan learns just how violent the unit is, while a young man named Xavier must use ancient forces to stop the patrol.

Justin Long, even in something as terrible as this film, is doing an admirable job. No matter how ludicrous something can be, Justin Long treats it with grace and gives 100% on every occasion. Jermaine Fowler is also given some chances to act despite the subpar material. CM Punk is also good in parts as one of the corrupt Night Patrol members.

The movie falls apart about halfway through the film when it is discovered that the members of Night Patrol are vampires. Yes, vampires. They are immortal because they drink the blood of their victims. which, in the case of the film, is African-American. This community uses Zulu magic to repel the vampires. This all takes place in the modern day (2020’s Los Angeles). There could have been some biting social commentary here, but as soon as one of the night patrol officers bites and drains blood it’s all over in the credibility department.

Justin Long’s father, played by Dermot Mulroney, is a ghost commanding Night Patrol from, seemingly, the great beyond. Long then becomes a ghost himself and then a zombified corpse. And it all just feels like a goulash of supernatural horror nonsense.

In a different way, if the Night Patrol officers believed that they were vampires in some way, that could have been interesting. The Zulu Magic, if treated seriously, could have been seen as a cleansing influence fighting against the demonic. But in the finished product, the vampirism and the magic are taken seriously without irony or sarcasm. And it suffers tremendously as a result. It’s a film that well and truly sucks with no reprieve.

Ultimately, this is worse than the worst vampire, ghost, or cop film that anyone can imagine. It’s not all bad. There are some solid performances, though nothing earth-shattering. There was an attempt made to take this material seriously. But this was the absolute wrong decision. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst horror films released in recent times.

1/2 star