By Tyler Banark

I know what you’re thinking: Is that actually a movie title for a real movie? Yes, and the craziest thing is that Studio Canal has already picked it up for distribution. A movie with a vulgar name such as this shouldn’t exist, or at least have a cleaner version. I mean, I’ve heard of movies like F**ktoys and F**k My Son, and somehow they made it into the light of day despite not getting picked up for distribution by someone big. I digress, though, as director Jonathan Schey blends Ari Aster and Kristoffer Borgli (The Drama, Dream Scenario) in this film, a satirical thriller about modern dating and how men involved tend to adopt a “nice guy syndrome” persona. 

The dating scene has gotten out of hand the last time I stepped into it, and movies like this and Obsession have called it out. Both comment on how guys today don’t want to date for the sake of it, but rather do it just to feel loved by a woman and pawn it off by playing the nice guy. It’s manipulative and weird, but “Everybody Wants to F**k Me” hits the nail on the head. While I’ve never seen it firsthand, I don’t have a hard time believing guys like Taron Egerton’s Adam exist. However, in his case, he wakes up one morning, and suddenly, every woman he makes eye contact with becomes attracted to him. While it may seem like every straight guy’s dream, it suddenly becomes scary as the more women Adam hooks up with, the more violently they throw themselves at him. 

Egerton delivers his best performance since 2019’s Rocketman as he embodies the ill-intentioned guy Adam is, along with how he doesn’t know how to handle all of the attention. It’s equal parts comedic and sadistic, but every character here is that as well, not just him. Jessica Henwick plays a woman Adam tries to get with but is secretly the mastermind behind a crazier plan to ruin his life and every man like him’s life. Once the credits rolled, the main question that popped into my head was: who’s the real villain of this movie? I could see it either way, but truth be told, I think Schey made this script with that intention in mind. It shouldn’t work for me, but it does, and I’m all for that. 

If there are any faults “Everybody Wants to F**k Me” falls victim to, it’s how over-the-top bizarre it gets in the third act. It doesn’t get over-the-top for the movie, but more so for me, and I feel like that’s my own fault. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed “Everybody Wants to F**k Me” and can’t wait to see what’s next for this movie as it makes its way to the theaters. It’s a movie with a bit of a hook and dares to ask uncomfortable questions about modern dating, but it does it effortlessly. It’s a film that should spark conversations we need to have about dating and serve as a reality check for guys like Egerton’s Adam.

🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 stars